There is only one man I know who can drive a 4×4, in fact any car really, at its limit, drink hot coffee, read a broadsheet, talk on a cell phone at the same time and still arrive alive. His passengers on the other hand have had a cardiovascular experience of extraordinary proportions and may or may not have made it.
So Joe, or GI Joe, as I have affectionately named him, arranged a field trip for a large group. He was always into the detail; every operation was super-slick. Typically, the guests got off the plane, luggage tags were slipped onto their bags which were then put into the service vehicle, their faces emblazoned into the schlepper’s (me usually) memory. Warm facecloths fragranced with rosemary or lemon and cool drinks in hand, they got into the 4×4, took a leisurely drive and stopped off at just the right viewing spot in the middle of nowhere. Joe would then whip out a table complete with magic table cloth and the oysters and chilled wine. This was followed by a ferry-crossing to the nights’ lodgings.
Behind the scenes schlepper (me) was eating dust driving on the bad dirt roads at a rate of knots to do a 2-day drive in hours to arrive at the accommodation facility in time to decant bags, take a shower, change and appear with a tray of drinks and a smile for their arrival.
This trip was a bit more of a desert odyssey and the overnight stop was a tented camp. Several 4×4’s traveled in convoy through low-level crossings, allowing men to flex their muscles and show the damsels in distress what they could do. And then fate intervened. A damsel driving her bosses new 4×4 across a steep bank misjudged. The front tyre slipped off the edge and the car car lurched perilously sideways. The water streamed in. Panicked damsel jumped out while the men put their shoulders to the wheel and heaved and heaved some more to get the vehicle out of the water. A little way away, an older woman carrying her laundry on her head while crossing the river, distracted by this chaotic scene, suddenly, effortlessly disappeared under the water leaving clothes floating on the surface. Gi Joe and Photographer Cane leaped out of the car windows, diving in to reach for the old lady. She is saved!
Calm is restored and later, much later, over whiskey and cigars around the campfire, the 5-second adventure, becomes an hour-long myth of bravery and courage while the women use hair-dryers to dry-out the car.