I always read The Third Umpire in the Business Day. Typically three people are selected daily and viewers can cast their vote for who is in and who is out. My list is long, very long; people I have recruited and people I have encouraged to leave the various companies I have worked for. Despite my increasing number of grey hairs, I am none the wiser about the human condition. I have been surprised and disappointed more times than I can count, on the see-saw of brilliant hires and can’t believe it fires. I have reflected on the karmic implications of firing people and then found a way to laugh about it all – a very South African response in times of crisis.
I remember young Ron, ambitious, short, bit-of-a-mover and shaker. He interviewed pretty well except for this terrible dry throat that would cause him to choke and stammer. This concerned me, and my gut was screaming to be heard, but I decided I was prejudiced against short men with disabilities and I should give him a fair chance. He looked good on paper and seemed to have a an above average handle on IT. Two weeks into the job, all he had managed to do successfully was hit on the female staff in the office.
I began to dig. I phoned his boss and did the soft voice, doe-eyed, Monroe trip. Thinking he was in line for a hot date he spilled his guts. Turned out Ronnie was using his former boss’s CV, had a reputation for pawing the women in the office, and even sold the odd computer system to colleagues which he subsequently forgot to deliver. I decided to go back a little more and contacted another employer. Different tactics were required. I threatened the guy with perjury charges – he bought it – clearly he didn’t know I couldn’t compel him to appear at an internal hearing. Things were much shadier here and included a little crookery. At his hearing Ron developed a bad case of amnesia. He was OUT and so was the recruitment agency that sourced him.
One bitten twice shy, I set up detailed questionnaires to sift the qualified financial people from the chaff. I asked tough questions like is the debit closest to the window or the door, have you ever seen a set of financials and if yes have you actually drafted a set. I did role-plays, reference checks, credit checks, and criminal checks. I had it licked. And then Brain (my pet name for him, not his actual name) happened. He was the CFO of a large set up – he presented his actual CV (didn’t borrow one for the occasion), and as it turned out was a jack of all trades and master of none. He lasted three months. Sort of fell apart when he force-balanced the cash flow by one million rand. I don’t know what’s worse, that he did it and hid it from the authorising executives, or that the auditors didn’t pick it up! His departure was very civil – he signed a separation agreement and rode off into the sunset.
The worst or funniest by far were my three beauties as I like to call them. Upon being discovered to be financial wizard impostors, they decided to get rid of me. They were going to do this using a burn phone. Do not be deceived by CSI and NCIS, there is no such thing. Big brother is watching you. The strategy was to send me anonymous text messages threatening my life, my reputation, and making false claims regarding my integrity. I went into stealth mode and diligently tracked them down. When I narrowed the list of suspects, I pounced. I brought them in for questioning (always wanted to say that). I interviewed the suspects together with some heavies. The first rule in Disciplinaries 101 is establish a version before they have had time to think about one. Long story short – they too are OUT.
The moral of the story:
- Don’t confuse intuition for prejudice;
- Don’t be embarrassed to ask questions, however stupid or insulting you may think they are;
- If people share inappropriate things, these will in all likelihood become a problem. Most frequently shared by many men I have recruited is that they are babe magnets;
- Be circumspect in the reliance you place on reference checks; and last but not least
- Desperate times call for desperate measures.